tuesday...

I have a weird stew of emotions inside of me...

I have this crazy urge to beat the crap out of CR- I can't shake it. I want to hurt her so bad. I want her to pay for everything she's ever done. I know that won't solve anything- and that we'll never get anywhere. It's just really upsetting. She makes me nuts. She follows our lives and then takes offense when Derek and I do the same thing. She is unhappy and finds a way to irk me constantly. I swear if I could beat the sense out of someone and never get caught. She's at the top of my list.

I have lunch with mom tomorrow. I'm kinda weirded out by it. I don't really want to hang out with her all morning. I just want to have the same relationship we had before. She's putting too much emphasis on the fact we're rowing apart. Well that's life.

I want to move out. I want so badly to move out and create a space of my own. I hate sharing my space with my family. I feel like i've lived her forever (which I have) and there's nothing wrong iwth living at home. but I just want to move on and grow up. I want to be a big girl. *sigh*

I'm just frustrated and cranky. I want to go on vacation again. Derke and I, falling asleep in my baby's arms. That's all I want. That's all I need. Time away from life.