and please,

tumblr?

2009-01-13T22:09:00.001-08:00

http://followurheart.tumblr.com/

I will post here too... it's just something new for the new year...

Waaaaallllllllll-eeeeeeee

2009-01-10T06:04:00.000-08:00

Directive! *pats chest*

Wall-e? No? Anybody else love that movie? I feel like I'm the only one....

Oh well- He is a cutie pie...

Bridal show went well day one- one of the DJ's dumped my favorite arrangement and destroyed it- *shrug* life goes on. I suppose the amount of embarrassment he felt was enough payment for the damages done. I think it's hilarious that it was my favorite arrangement- the one I was most proud of and it lasted at the show maybe an hour... oh well.

I have like forty minutes before I have to go anywhere. Another full day of standing holding a heavy bridal bouquet. Then- we get to go back to the shop and make a gigantic 3' shamrock for an Irish woman's funeral. I think it'll be fun- but I'm not quite in the mood to just work. We have a larger wedding downtown next week so that will be really neat. yay.

I should figure out what I'm bringing with me to work today- *sigh*

I'll update maybe with pictures later...

I'm like a vacuum bag... holds all that old dirt

2009-01-09T05:54:00.000-08:00

Edit: He came over with The Big Lebowski in hand. We popped it in- I curled up in his shoulder-nook area and instantly fell asleep.

I don't think he understands that I can feel better just by being around him/being half asleep. It's comforting to have someone there.

He gets kind of upset when he comes over just to watch me sleep. I need this though. So I win.

Stroke 9 is the shiznit. I miss them.

it's just one of those days....

2009-01-08T16:31:00.000-08:00

I'm in one of those moods.

I haven't been "down" or "depressed" in a long time- nothing has really been able to get me down. I'm tired of being poor.

Not dirt poor- the kind of poor that people are suffering from all over the world. I just get really upset when my parents can't pay their bills.

I get upset knowing that I can't do anything about it to help. I can only keep track of my own expenses and needs no matter how expensive.

I'm worried about the cruise. I'm worried about insurance. I'm worried about tuition. I'm exhausted.

I just want to cry. I want to just curl up in a ball and well, bawl. I want Derek to tell me everything will be okay- and I know the second I go talk to him about it he's going to just say "stop" as in "stop worrying- just do what you need to do" it's the soldier in him- push every emotion aside and deal with it. quit bein' a wussy...

I wanna be a wussy. Really Bad.

*sigh*

knock knock... who's there? A LOCK.

2009-01-06T21:00:00.000-08:00

The best christmas present I received this year:

A doorknob with a lock on it.

I have my own apartment.

I can run around in my underwear, or even naked after a shower...

I can leave my good markers out, and they'll be back where I left them....

I can not worry about certain things being found...

I have finally a place to call my own.

Thank god.

this must be it... welcome to the new year

2009-01-06T16:11:00.000-08:00

It is my first chance to get around to blogging to all THREE of you (Katie- welcome to the crappiness that is my life)

A year in review.... 2008

New Years Eve 2007: Derek and I spent it at my house- just the two of us- it was nice
Photobucket" border="0">

January 2008

Derek and I spent the first day of the new year walking around the Brookfield Zoo. It was awesome- nobody was there- we got in free and spent the day frolicking, collecting every wax animal we could find...

I even got to take a picture of him as a squirrel!
derek as a squirrel" border="0">

My 19th birthday- no real blog there

February-June

I finally left Dominick's after being sick of working my ass off for nothing for Jewel. I started working with my mom and although that was a pain in the ass- I made the most important decision probably in my whole life. After a few months of not getting what I was promised (increased pay- more hours ect) During this time I was at COD full time now as a horticulture student working towards my Floral Shop Management Certification. One day I was locked out of the greenhouse at school so I started starring at the bulletin board. Late in the landscaping season- a lot of posts were already pulled down... when I saw this one:

(taken on my lap top to show Sara because I was so freakin' excited about it) After visiting www.waldenfloral.com and realizing "I HAVE TO WORK HERE!" I sent them an email, filled out an application- and got the job on the spot.

I left Jewel for Walden at the end of June.

Somewhere in there- Derek went on a cruise and it was the first time since we had been dating that we have been separate. The beauty of it- I was dog sitting... Maddux, his little sister's puggle had swallowed a sock and had it surgically removed that day (when they left) I took care of him until they got home. He's my buddy.
maddux" border="0"> There he is on my bed :)

May- Prom 2008- more floral fun....
Stephen with his date's Nosegay Benet Prom 2008 Stephen's Matching Bout
Lindsay's bouquet

June 2008
Started work at Walden Floral. The most AMAZING JOB I'VE EVER HAD!!! I really can't explain how awesome my job is- I adore it. I really truly love what I do. I mean where else do you get to make a gigantic fuchsia pineapple out of mini-carns? Shortly after getting my job I was put in charge of designing the Wyndham Drake Lobby arrangement in Oak Brook... every week I make the same thing. This is the regular one, this one, the christmas version: It's an amazingly large piece and hundreds of people see it everyday. It's a huge honor. I've experienced so many things working here- I can only imagine where this job is going to take me- as far as I know.. up and up and up...

July 2008
Devil's Lake... we started planning this trip in November and it seriously felt like it took years to finally come to fruition. We packed up the truck- drove a few hours, just the two of us- and then spent the next three days uninterrupted with nature. It was amazing. Waking up next to him each morning was great- and I can't wait to do it permanently. He pushed me to my limits physically(hiking people- get your mind out of the gutter!!) and I've never been more proud of myself. He finds a way to bring out the best in me- and I can't wait to make this an annual trip. So far we haven't set the date for another trip yet- but one of these days well do it.

Isn't it beautiful?

Ugh, can't wait to go back!!

August 2008

Branson, Missouri... our second trip together. Unfortunately his great grandmother died a few days before we were scheduled to leave so on the day we were to depart we had to attend her funeral. My first funeral. It was kind of awkward but it was okay. I knew the second we got out of there we were on our way to Branson... just the two of us...
funeral garb...
our luxurious hot tubs... our wild west proof I made him take... this one I stole of the internet- this is the real copy we survived the titanic! Again- I would love to make an annual trip here but it seems less likely as the time goes on- we're both just so busy it's going to be hard to find time to do such things.

September wasn't all that exciting- just going back to school and getting back into the swing of things...
October was absolutely insane at work- our largest wedding month to date of all wedding season- 14 weddings in three weekends... yeah, insane.
November 25th, 2008 marked our one year anniversary. We went to dinner at Ditka's in Oakbrook. It was really nice to sit down to a nice dinner- all dressed up. Thanksgiving was spent at my aunt's then over at Derek's Grandparent's house. It was nice to meet his dad's parents seeing as I've never met his father.

December came and went- work was finally dying down and it was nice to just go with the flow. This Christmas was very interesting...

Christmas Eve: Spent at Derek's grandma's house- a tradition in their house. It was nice being surrounded by people who liked me- I feel comfortable there- enough to make conversation and crack a few jokes- I am liked there and it's a nice feeling.
Christmas Day: Woke up early, opened presents with the family... as per tradition. I immediately showered then Derek picked me up for the trip to his dad's house in Itasca. He, very nice man. The step-mom.... a wretched woman. I totally understand how Derek is the way he is after stepping foot in that house. It was awful. It was really nice to see him interact with his dad though- it was like nothing I had ever seen before. I really enjoy spending time with his dad- it's his step-mom I can't stand to be around. I've never been that uncomfortable in my life.

And this takes us to new years.... Where we spent at The Westrom's. We were all tucked around the fire watching the countdown on the tv. We then came back to my house where he spent the night. I loved every minute of it.

So where does this leave me now? 2009 has a lot of potential. I'm in a really really great place right now and I can't even begin to explain how happy I am with the way things are going. For the first time in my life- I am in control of everything. I'm taking care of not only myself but those I love the most.

I am very excited for 2009.. are you?

monday morning again

2008-12-29T06:31:00.000-08:00

I haven't posted since Christmas Eve- and I promise a full rundown of events, the good the bad and the step-mom- I promise. But for now I'm off to work to do some New Years Buffets for the hotels.

I will also be posting a year in review- complete with photos... so Stay Tuned...

All two of you.

As for today I must:
-go to work
-get my passport photos taken
-take said photos to get said passport
-finish cleaning my room
-recap my christmas experieces via blog
-put my laundry away. BAH.

Laundry sucks butt.

stupid direct tv.

2008-12-23T22:28:00.001-08:00

Ah, Christmas Eve.

A time for all sorts of things....

like getting your car stuck in the snow ... DAILY
like running around like an idiot because you failed to plan those last minute gifts the first time around- or when you forgot you have to make flowers for four people- whoops
a time to fight with your boyfriend
a time to clean
a time to wrap presents
a time to do some last minute bitching and moaning at 12:29 on a wednesday morning

ugh.

I'm cranky.

I have to stay up to wait for the washing machine so I can change it- then my day is finally over. I can close my eyes, drift of to sleep and wake up as pissed off as I was when I went to bed...

Tomorrow I must:

Wake up, shower, get ready for the day (given)
run to Dominick's- pick up some stuff to make flowers (decide what kinds of flowers I'm making)with, a picture frame and return home
Once at home, I must make flowers for my home, Derek's grandma and Derek's mom. If I have obtained said picture frame, I need to find a good picture of Derek and I to put inside of it to wrap and give to his dad's parent's for christmas.
I need to then change, get ready for Derek's Grandma's house in which I need to wrap his last present so we can exchange tomorrow.

All before 3 pm.

UGH.

I just want to wake up when i please, maybe shower and lay around all day... but no. I can't. BLAH.

I have a million things swimming through my head

He just changed his mind- for the better. Wow. I don't get him sometimes.

I realize to a random stranger reading this it makes no sense. Again... random thoughts motivated this post- ignore it all. Please.

one thing is true, when I look, and I find, I stlll love you...

2008-12-17T05:44:00.000-08:00

so it's a good thing nothing bad happens in real life when you have weird dreams.

In the past week I have:

Made eggnog with Barack Obama
kicked Justin out of work telling him this was my dream and he's ruining it

and

met Derek's dad

Three things that would never happen.

We got in a mini-fight last night about him not opening up to me. I wish he would. I want to know the things he won't tell me. He's always asking me about my life- and the second I ask him about his I get a line like "it doesn't matter- it was in the past" It makes me insane. He says "i'm making a big deal out of nothing, and that I should stop" that it "doesn't matter" but to me it does. I want to know where he comes from, I know it bothers him. He can't deny that. I see it.

Ugh. Frustrated.

Also frustrated I have to get up out of my warm bed, go outside in the wind and the snow and scrape my car just so I can drive five miles an hour to work for eight. I'm just so not into working this week. I'm just so rushed and I hate it. We have a lot going on this week- culminating in our party. Blech. Derek will meet them finally. I'm just about ready to be like "omg, Im dying, I can't go" but they'd catch on too quickly. It's like he's meeting my parents. But I know what happens when he meets people. He shuts down- and it makes me as well as him look bad. I know I shouldn't care what other people think ( i mean he doesn't) I just can't help it. I work with these people every day and I don't want them to be like "wow". We already spend the majority of the day making fun of Julie. I'd hate to add Derek to that list.

I just need to get through this week and the beginning of next after christmas we are closing for a while. Ugh.

No money, but no work. That's okay. I'll deal.

a place in this world

2008-12-16T18:05:00.000-08:00

I was searching for a new facebook photo in my iphoto today when I stumbled upon videos of Derek and I in Devil's Lake. They cracked me up. It's just the way we act together. Not one clip was there silence or awkwardness. We were laughing, smiling, just being silly and that's the side nobody ever sees. Jessica and I talk about him from time to time and she's always like, "you mean, he laughs? He enjoys things?" Why yes he does, he's not a robot.

Nobody knows him like I know him.

I decided to check out that other video I shot at Devil's Lake of our campsite and our first day there. I ran out of battery like five minutes in because I accidently left it on in my backpack. Oops. I just feel like I haven't documented anything we've done in a long time. I want more pictures of us- not doing anything special just being us. I almost wish we had somebody to follow us around for a week and tape our lives. I just want to remember everything and I feel like I'm living to be forgotten. I want to scrap, I want to document. I want to make movies, I just never do.

Not just of him either, of everyone. I want more pictures with my friends.

I want to move out- get a buncha picture frames and decorate my empty apartment. I am so excited to get a place of my own.

solo sundays

2008-12-14T10:33:00.000-08:00

It's just one of those days ya know? The ones where you start out with all these plans and then one after another they fall through. I was supposed to go to breakfast- but she never called- I don't blame her- I'd be busy too. I was supposed to go out with my mom- but she ditched me for my dad. I don't blame her- she never sees him.

I wonder what Danielle's up to these days. I don't know why I care- She never did.

The wind just shook the house. I wouldn't want to go out anyway. It's terribly miserable outside.

I have this urge to build a gingerbread house. A nice one- I just want him to make one with me. But he doesn't want to. I wish he wanted to.

I'm going to spend the day making post secret postcards and mailing them. I wanted to mail them before the end of the year- nows a perfect time.

I should probably work out too. Lord knows I just spent a buncha money on this wave thing and I have yet to use my own.

fuck.

wedding shows and comfy beds

2008-12-13T05:56:00.000-08:00

it would be really nice to go away on vacation.

work is really starting to get to me.

I just need some time where I can sleep in- relax and just spend time with Derek. I really wanted to sleep in this morning- but Denise texted me and asked me to come in at 9 instead of 10. I reluctantly said "yes" because let's face it- if I didn't- nobody would. I need to motivate and get ready for work now. I'm just exhausted. I have three-ish days off... Sunday to do with as I please, Monday, to bake all day with mom and my sisters then go to school at 4 then Tuesday. I can't wait to just be on vacation.

I want to be somewhere warm and comfortable. I just want to run away. I need some space.

Ugh. Off to work. Stupid.

dreams

2008-12-12T06:14:00.000-08:00

I had a dream about Kevin the other night. It was odd... I woke up going... what?

It was awkward.

I was driving back from dropping Lindsay off and I thought about all the people I've dated and how different Derek is from all of them. In pretty much the ultimate test- I surfed facebook, grabbed each of their pictures in what I thought was their "true" light and made a folder of them. I highlighted and clicked on all of them and starred at them like a lineup. Derek stood out so much. Not just because of the way he looked but just the way he carried himself. I've made a lot of mistakes in the past and none of them I really regret because they led me to where I am now.

I am so glad I decided not to go away to school. I would never be where I am today if I had. As tired as I am of the same old same- I'm lucky I am where I am.

2008-12-09T08:50:00.000-08:00

[√] clean room
[√] do laundry
[√] cash my checks at TCF
[] deposit in joint bank account for this week at Chase
[√] make an eye appointment
[] make an orthodontist appointment
[] join the COD gym
[√] send transcript to COD because I can't finish signing up for a full semester if I don't have Math for Horticulture
[] get a passport at the post office
[] make a valiant effort to eat better!!

I've done a lot more than what's on that list. I think instead of joining COD's gym- I am going to replace it with " get the wave and work out daily" which I have already been doing. So technically that can get crossed off too.

----------

we went on a midnight winter walk last night. It was quiet, just the two of us, muffled underneath the snow. We talked about everything- it was nice. I miss our walks- we hadn't gone on one in a long time. It was a good two hours- I felt it in my legs when we were done.

tearful ball

2008-12-07T23:07:00.001-08:00

i've opened my blog three separate times today with intent to write.

it's now 1:07 am and I have nothing to say.

-------

I cried last night. I don't think he knew. He asked me why I was sniffley I told him I was cold. He believed me.

I wonder if he is the one. They say you'll know. I think I know- I just want to be sure.

--------

I feel like I should have something important to say. I feel like curling up in a ball next to him and crying and I don' t know why.

That just sounds so comforting. I have no idea why.

riding the wave

2008-12-06T19:21:00.000-08:00

I might have found a new workout system... I woke up to infomercials playing the other day and this one stupid ass rocking step thingy caught my eye...

I asked Derek's mom about it (she's a personal trainer) and she actually had bought one. She told me I could borrow it and test it out before I bought my own. I tried it tonight and it made me kind of discouraged.

One: I lack the coordination and the ability to quickly pick-up on the steps required to participate
Two: I feel jiggly while doing it- and I'm hoping that'll go away.
Three: It's hard. I have a hard time pushing myself- but feel too embarrassed to do it with someone else. I lack motivation.

----------------

I have a bunch of thoughts swimming through my head- I wish I had a pensive like Dumbledore in Harry Potter. I could q-tip the thought out of my head and stick it in a fun silvery dish never cloud my brain again.

I MISS MY GIRLS. COME HOME TO ME ALREADY ENOUGH WITH THIS SCHOOL CRAP. LET'S ALL MOVE IN TOGETHER AND LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER. LIKE SEX IN THE CITY.

2008-12-03T06:01:00.000-08:00

Update from yesterday:

[√] clean room
[√] do laundry
[] cash my checks at TCF
[] deposit in joint bank account for this week at Chase
[] make an eye appointment
[] make an orthodontist appointment
[] join the COD gym
[] send transcript to COD because I can't finish signing up for a full semester if I don't have Math for Horticulture
[] get a passport at the post office
[] make a valiant effort to eat better!!

2/11 aint bad? huh? meatloaf? no? okay, yeah, not funny.

I called COD and they "don't have a copy of my transcript" so now I have to physically go to South, write a permission slip about it then pick up my transcript then drive to COD and drop it off. Oh and I have to pay two dollars.

Bogus.

I couldn't run any other errands yesterday because my little sister had my car. UGH. I hate sharing!!!

35551

2008-12-02T07:57:00.001-08:00

Tuesday.
Also known as Errand Day.

Ugh.

I love Tuesdays simply because I don't have to get up until I want to. Granted that's like 9 am but hey, if I can get an extra two hours of sleep then so be it. I made myself a list today- of all the crap I want/have to have done.

The list is as follows:

[] clean room
[] do laundry
[] cash my checks at TCF
[] deposit in joint bank account for this week at Chase
[] make an eye appointment
[] make an orthodontist appointment
[] join the COD gym
[] send transcript to COD because I can't finish signing up for a full semester if I don't have Math for Horticulture
[] get a passport at the post office
[] make a valiant effort to eat better!!

And this is what's going to happen:

[] clean room (I'm making an effort to ignore this bullet- I cleaned Derek's room the other day- I don't want to clean mine)
[] do laundry Will most likely get done- but with a lot of pissing/moaning- I have to have clothes for work- no way around it. With all the clothes picked up off my floor my room will be kind of 'clean' but not as clean as I wish it were. I will put off cleaning my room the longest.
[] cash my checks at TCF This will get done- sometime during the day. Mostly because I like money, and it's usually a priority.
[] deposit in joint bank account for this week at Chase. This will get done because Derek and I haven't deposited anything in a LONG time.
[] make an eye appointment the next two will happen in succession. I've been meaning to do both for over a year.
[] make an orthodontist appointment
[] join the COD gym This is one of those things that I keep in the back of my mind. However this requires me to actually park in the snow, walk a mile from my car to a building where only skinny people reside and work out constantly then walk up to the counter most likely running into someone I know and awkwardly asking about a membership. A membership that I won't probably end up using religiously like I had intended.
[] send transcript to COD because I can't finish signing up for a full semester if I don't have Math for Horticulture I tried this already this morning (Yes, I am one of those people who puts already done things on their list to make myself feel more accomplished) and the lady at South gave me shit about how I have to physically come in to the school, write a written consent form so they could charge me 2 dollars to send it down Park ave. WTF. I emailed the records office about this- who knows what they'll say. The class is only half full so I'm not too worried about it filling up.
[] get a passport at the post office This HAS to get done- eventually. I'll probably do it while I'm cashing checks. I have to get this or I can't cruise in March. I'm running out of time.
[] make a valiant effort to eat better!! THIS HAS TO HAPPEN OR I'M GONNA BE THE CRUISE FATTY CAKES. No thank you.

I really need to get my shit together. I wish like clean sweep would come to my room and revamp it- I think it would give me the energy to keep it clean. It just feels so old and dated and not mine. I feel like I'm borrowing space here. I hate it. I want so badly to have a place of my own. I talked to a girl from high school I knew who moved out and had a place with her brother. Considering we were never really friends and I was kind of scared of her I actually facebooked her, asked her a few questions and she was totally open to answering them. It was actually a big relief. He parents bought a real estate property for her and her brother to live in while they reep on the benefits. When they sell the house the kids split the equity. Genius. I don't know that I would want to live with my brother but whatever works. Anything is better than here. (Not that I'm not grateful- I'm just so tired of everything- I love my family, and that's why I need to leave)

The more I babble here-the less daylight I have to melt the snow to run my errands in. ugh. fuck. snow.

dreamin'

2008-11-30T10:03:00.000-08:00

I had a dream

I woke up next to him in our own place- just the two of us. I was getting ready for work, showering, getting dressed, putting on my makeup and every time I glanced back to bed he was there sleeping. It was nice.

It was more than nice. It felt right.

I was upset when I woke up and found myself in my own room, with my crap all around me, far away from him. It didn't feel right.

I hate that everyone I know is going back to school- to a place of their own and I have to stay here. I have to stay in a house of rules, where I get criticised for what I do. I hate it.

2008-11-29T11:49:00.000-08:00

She told Dad that I went to Derek's while he was at work to hang out with his mom. She has gone crazy.

And then- pretended it never happened.

Whatever.

I give up.

-----------

I'm tired of not having an entire place of my own. I'm tired of my space being invaded and my stuff strewn about- I'm tired of missing shirts or paint brushes or shoes. I'm tired of having people ask me where my stuff is without really asking to borrow it. It's more of "where is it- I need it" instead of "hey, do you think I could borrow such and such? Oh, hey, thanks, where is it?"

UGH.

I NEED TO MOVE OUT. I'M FEELING CLAUSTROPHOBIC.

THIS NEEDS TO STOP.

Derek and I talked about moving the other night. It was exciting. Nobody gives you a manual as to when we do such things.

my parents moved out when they were my age- Why can't I do so too?

2008-11-28T07:44:00.000-08:00

I'm pissy.

I am angry at my mother.

I'm tired of hearing:

"we have no money" or "we're broke" and then watching her spend a ton of money on xmas presents.... that we DON'T need...

I'm tired of hearing about how us as kids have "dropped the ball" as far as presents go for her birthday and crap when she knows damn well I had this whole thing planned but then she took my paychecks I had set aside for her and Branson and spent them on school.

Yes. I pay for junior college- out of my own pocket while my parents shell out 40,000 for Jessica. But I hear about how I have bought things for Sam (Derek's mom) or Randi or even Derek. My mom's mad that I don't put the same amount of thought into her gifts as I do Sam's- which is crap. Sam is easy to buy for because she likes the same things I do- I know what she likes- I have no fuckan clue what my mother wants. No clue. And I'm yelled at when I "drop the ball"

fuck this.

I hate christmas.

ya wanna know the sick part? I hate putting up our xmas tree and I refuse to do it with my family- but when Derek's mom asked me to help on theirs- I wanted to... what does that say?

2008-11-27T06:34:00.000-08:00

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone.

I am thankful for:

-Family
-Derek James
-An amazing job (that I love and I'm good at)
-Friends
-a place to rest my head at night
-my car
-my health

I'm nervous about meeting his other family.
I shouldn't be- it's not like they're going to change his mind- I just really want them to like me. Not that we're going to be spending excess amount of time with them- I just want them to like me. I haven't been this nervous in a long time.

I was thinking about the night we met the other night. *smile* It made me happy

2008-11-26T06:31:00.000-08:00

FROM MY EARLIER POST ON MONDAY:

This week is going to be crazy:
Monday: Drop lindsay off, go to work 9-?, school 4-5:50, big bang theory and CBS mondays
Tuesday: Drop off Lindsay, go to work 9-?, Dinner with Derek for our one year anniversary at Ditka's
Wednesday:Drop Lindsay off, go to work 9-?
Thursday: Turkey Day, go to Aunt Steffie's, drive separate so I can leave when Derek gets out of work, drive to Derek's have dinner with his family (again) and then go with him to his grandparents house in Elgin and possibly meet his dad (which i'm worried about- but that's aonther story)
Friday: BLACK FRIDAY- bright and early at like 4 am
Saturday: recouperation day.

I'm only at the Black part now... ugh. Today's going to be a long crazy day at work.... Hotels, buffets for Thanksgiving, that wedding- Denise thinks we're going to be out at 4- she's crazy. That's never going to happen. That's really wishful thinking.

I should really start the car- it was frosty this morning. STUPID> I hate frost, I hate cold, brrr it's not worth it. It's dumb.

I am obsessed with the Fallout 3 Soundtrack- the old happy music is bizarre when paired with the setting of the game. It's awesome.

And the quote of the week:

"I can be tired tomorrow- my anniversary's tonight..."

look into your heart and you'll find love, love, love...

2008-11-24T06:03:00.000-08:00

Twilight is an obsession.
Unfortunately for me- I am the latest to get sucked into Edward Cullen's awesomeness.

I tried to resist.
I really did.

He is just so FUCKING hot. And I'm not talking just physically- he's a stud in every sense of the word and I wish I was in Forks cuddling with him in the tree tops.

Bella's a bitch. ha.

Derek's mom was right- and it freaked me out- and turned me on haha.
Left 4 dead is a crazy-boy-zombie-killing-game that I am completely obsessed with. It's so fun. Derek bought me a pink controller to play with :D It's super cute.

I have to get ready for work- and it's snowing outside. I hate the winter. I wish I could fast forward to spring. Ugh. Ghey. Yes I just spelled gay with a "gh". Deal with it.

It's almost been a year. I'm not quite sure why I'm so excited about this one. The last time I stayed with a guy over a year was Kevin. I'm not that same person anymore. I'm not 14 anymore haha. I'm excited about this. I'm exuding happiness.

I should've gone to bed earlier last night- Derek dropped me off at like 1:30 and I just couldn't fall asleep. *sigh*

This week is going to be crazy:
Monday: Drop lindsay off, go to work 9-?, school 4-5:50, big bang theory and CBS mondays
Tuesday: Drop off Lindsay, go to work 9-?, Dinner with Derek for our one year anniversary at Ditka's
Wednesday:Drop Lindsay off, go to work 9-?
Thursday: Turkey Day, go to Aunt Steffie's, drive separate so I can leave when Derek gets out of work, drive to Derek's have dinner with his family (again) and then go with him to his grandparents house in Elgin and possibly meet his dad (which i'm worried about- but that's aonther story)
Friday: BLACK FRIDAY- bright and early at like 4 am
Saturday: recouperation day.

All that and I'm only at "go to work at 9" on Monday. FUck.

Three... is a magic number...

2008-11-22T15:10:00.000-08:00

Three Days.

Three days and it's been an entire year.

I can't believe it's been a year already.

I've changed so much this year-

in everything-

I lost touch with Danielle- a person I've known since I was a child. And a part of me is grateful that I've moved on from that person I was.

I have a job I'm amazing at- and love doing- I'm no longer finding random items for customers in aisle 4. I have a part in peoples big day- my work will be in pictures hanging on their walls for years. People will stare at them everyday.

I love what I do.
I love my job.
I love flowers.

I hate the long hours.
I hate the stress it causes (physically and mentally and emotionally)

----

Okay- so I never posted this: it's now two days.

two isn't a magic number- go with it.

I'm gonna go shower, paint my toes and relax until Twilight tonight... partay.

2008-11-18T00:32:00.000-08:00

I need to not spend so much time thinking about work.

I lay awake at night thinking

"did I order stuff for this weekend?"
"how am I going to fuck up the Drake this week?"
"What's my wedding going to look like?"
"What's Tammy's deal?"
"Does Lida hate me?"

(the last two were stupid high school crap)

I need to stop spending time on theknot.com

I have gotten to be obsessed.

Sara would understand.

I miss her.

I miss my girls.

----

oh how I long for a place of my own int his world.

SARA- GRADUATE so I can get an apartment with you somehwere... NOW.

FASTER.

GEEZ.

2008-11-16T16:20:00.000-08:00

Puppies. Puppies. Puppies.

So the lady we got Hobbs from called my dad two days ago and asked if we could foster three eight week old puppies and their one and a half year old mother until she could get them adopted.

We got them on Saturday at 3:30 and the house has been insane since.

We have Darcy:

Scout:

Lily:

and Chloe:

All girls- all noisy.

I am off work for three days- thank god.

2008-11-15T06:31:00.001-08:00

Ten Days.

After today's nonsense: three days off...

Thank the Lord.

2008-11-15T06:25:00.001-08:00

wouldn't it be nice if we were older and we didn't have to wait so long?

.....

It would... it really would.

.....

I made a one year CD of music we've listened to over the past twelve months. I listen to it when I get ready for work. It's psyching me up for the day.

I am in love. Yay.

Tracks Include:

"Wouldn't it be nice?" - Beach Boys
"I don't want to set the world on fire..."- The Ink Spots
"She's in love with a boy" - Trisha Yearwood
"I'm Yours" - Jason Mraz (who's last name i love typing)
"Still Alive" (Portal Ending)- GLaDoS
"These are the Days of our Lives"- Queen
"DVNO"- Justice (Hitman)
"Babe I love you"- Styx
"Civilization"- Danny Kaye and the Andrew Sisters
"Our Song"- Taylor Swift
"You"- Rascal Flatts
"Good Directions"- Billy Currington
"An old Fashioned Love Song"- Three Dog Night

It still needs more. It's only a little less than an hour... not good enough. Haha.

2008-11-13T05:40:00.000-08:00

still mad at Linda- but that's beside the point.

Jessica is going to Post Secret in Bloomington tomorrow- I am jealous.

Beyotch.

---

I need a good week of sleep- at once. Just vegetate until I can't move because my muscles have atrophied. I am achey- tired, swollen, just all over crappy. We were let outta work early yesterday to "rest up" for today and the barrage of work but unfortunately I took that time and spent it with Derek lounging (which I guess is relaxing to a point) and playing scrabble. I should have just gone right to bed at 2:20 when I got home to change. Fuck that.

13 days

---

West Side Story is tonight- I don't think I'll be able to go. Derek wants me to go to Bond with him tomorrow (we were going to go at midnight but I told him that wouldn't happen) and I don't know quite what time I'll be out of work. Ugh. I wanna see it- but not enough to rush to see it. But I'll do it for him- cause he's been talking about it for weeks.

---

I was thinking about the mural I drew senior year in the catwalk of the new auditorium and how many people have seen it/updated it. I wanna go back in like ten years and go "check out what I did" haha. Once Wallace leaves that place I'll have no idea what happens to it. How am I supposed to go "oh, yeah, I graduated in '07 and I vandalized the walls where no one could see it- could I go revisit my work?" All I have to say to her is "hey, can I check out that thing?" and she knows what I'm talking about. I miss her and her matching socks.

---

asdlkbaevnabvaovnPD"voljs'pdivhWPR0[IHG'wengvEWNV BLAH.
I have to go to work.

More importantly I have to shower then primp myself to a point and then head to work. Fuck.

I do work too much.

2008-11-12T21:36:00.000-08:00

I'm still pissed at Linda for making fun of my tattoo

There were so many things I could've said- but held my tongue.

FUCK YOU LINDA!!!

2008-11-10T22:10:00.000-08:00

I wish I had more time to spend with Sara.
I miss MK- I hope she's okay.

I need to get ahead of myself- finish xmas shopping/wrapping/planning.

I need to wrap Derek's anniversary gift- we decided to go to Ditka's for dinner. He made reservations without me telling him too haha. He's come a long way since a year ago.

I can't believe it's been a year. Wow.

The open house is tomorrow. I feel like I've been cleaning for months- it's only been a week. Longest week of my life. I'm not really looking forward to this whole thing- I'm not really one to kiss major ass and schmooze. I wouldn't mind if I could come and go as I please but no, I have to be there from 2-8 instead of like 4:14 to 5:21. I have to be professional- I have to look nice. Ugh. I'm thinking my dress is a bit too formal. Oh well.

I'm excited to go to dinner with Derek. It'll be nice to be 'grown ups'

Tomorrow morning I have to:
-buy closed toed black shoes- possibly pumps or mary janes *(which cover my tattoo perfectly)*
-get a pedicure- why you ask? because I need it- and even though it's closed toed shoes whatev
-get a haircut and style it so it looks good down for the party
-drive lindsay to school (as always)- she was sick today so I got an extra hour of sleep. It was amazing.

I'm watching Mark Harmon on the Craig Ferguson show and I'm thinking he's got that hot-older man look to him. I heart NCIS- and I've always had a crush on Gibbs- he's kind of a stud.

I should really go to bed- but I haven't found the motivation.

ugh.

2008-11-07T16:42:00.001-08:00

I always start to blog then I decide I don't like where it's headed so I select everything then click delete.

I think that's why I like handwriting things- it's harder to just start over

Things I want to do when I have a home/family of my own:

-a game night: I know it's lame- but if I have the option to do that- I want to set aside one night a week where we hang out as a family together. I wish my family did that- I think we'd all be in a different place then
-always have fresh flowers somewhere in the home. They give off a happiness that you can't quite describe. That, and they'll give me something fun to do.
-Have a scrapbook of my wedding and a baby book for each child- and actually DO IT and not just let it collect dust.

There are so many things I want to do-
I just can't wait to begin

stupid grey's anatomy.

2008-11-06T18:49:00.001-08:00

I loathe "spring cleaning"

We're tearing the shop apart in preparation for our Open House on Tuesday. Every single square inch has to be spotless and even though our shop is only 1200 square feet- it's just a huge mess. We have stuffed ten pounds of shit in a five pound bag.

I scrubbed, I washed, I organized, I dusted, I scraped. And for eight hours- and another eight tomorrow. I can't wait for Tuesday. It'll be nice when it's all over. However- the second that's over- we have a large wedding to complete by Saturday. Ugh.

-------------------------------------

You ever have those days where you just feel like you want to just cry. You just want to scream and punch a pillow and just bawl your eyes out? I just got that wave of emotion and I have no idea why. I've cried and It doesn't seem to let gow. I just need to cry. I couldn't tell ya why. I just want to cry.

And I want him to hold my while I cry, I want him to brush my hair out of my eyes and tell me it will be okay. I want that kiss on the forehead that says so much without saying anything at all.

I think I have that.
I really want to think I do.

I'm sure I do.

I think.

2008-11-05T05:32:00.000-08:00

I'm so proud I voted. I'm so happy I have this ability to help make decisions.

I'm still really upset. I'm worried where this country will take us in the next four years. I pray he proves me wrong- that's all I can hope for. Hope, what an ironic word to use.

------------

Derek and I spent the entire day together yesterday. It was lovely. I thrive from the closeness we have- I don't have to try to be someone I'm not. I can just speak freely and it's really refreshing.

twenty days until our one year anniversary. It's odd to think about how far we've come. How much we've been though. I'm just really happy.

I wish my parents saw that- I wish my mother and I had a better relationship. We had another fight the other night. I'm tired of the same argument. I am the kid and I'm going to act accordingly. If I want to act out- I can act out. She can't. She is the adult. I feel like everything I do is wrong to her. I feel like the second she found out I was Pro McCain she decided to be hxc Obama. I just don't get it. I feel like she's headstrong in upsetting me. I don't really get it. I wish we would just resovle this mess. But at the same time- I don't know that I want to have this fake-happy relationship. It's just not worth it.

beautiful weather

2008-11-03T12:43:00.001-08:00

I want to blog but I can't think of anything I really want to say.

Tomorrow's election day- I'd like to say I'm excited- but to be honest- I really am sick of it. I'm tired of hearing everything- it's just a huge mess. I'm sick of McCain this and Obama that- can't it just be over with!?

At this point, I don't care who wins- It's just ridic.

You know you feel the same.

-------

I heart platinum weddings.
It makes me want to surf theknot.com

--------

It's monday- that means two things:
one- I'm usually off work- woo
two- it's Big Bang/How I Met Your Mother/Two and a Half Men Night- Derek and I usually order in and watch CBS for a good three hours haha. It's our night to just cuddle up infront of the tv and hang out.

I love mondays.
-------

it was so beautiful out today- like seventy-one in november- that's insane. I cleaned out my car- it needed it. Really bad. It was nice. I feel like a whole new person haha.

square rooms, jailtime, and parent-teacher conferences

2008-10-31T05:38:00.001-07:00

Long time no bloggy- yeah I get that- I'm busy.

Not like anyone reads this anyway- except for you MK

======================================

Derek and I are closing in a year already. It's really amazing. I have never felt more adult in my entire life- everything is falling into place and it feels good to be cozy with someone. We have our own routine and we spend pretty much any spare time either one of us has together. That's exciting for me. I love it.

He keeps having these weird recurring dreams where he's the only one ever in them. He tells me about them- and I get uneasy- something inside him is troubling him and I wish I knew how to stop it. I started looking up some of the pieces of his dream using the A-Z dream dictionary and it's kind of been helpful. Part of me doesn't want the dreams to stop because it gives me an insight he doesn't normally give me. He's very stoic and it's hard for me to crack him. Unless something terrible happens to us we don't really talk about how he's feeling. He thinks he doesn't need to share what he's feeling/thinking all the time because he knows that I'll worry about it- he's "protecting" me- but I'm not sure what he could possibly be protecting me from.

Yesterday I went over there after he got off work and we cuddled up on the couch infront of the TV as always and he started telling me about work. He gets to this part while he was at work where he says and I saw a guy- he looked like you. And I said (jokingly) "oh, so I'm man-ish?" and I laughed and he said no, "he had your shoes, and like a band tee that you'd wear-" and I said, "so?" not getting where this was going- and he goes, " No, I just don't get why someone like you- someone like that wouldn't just date- why pick me over a guy like that?" and Immediately he said, "I'm not insecure, I just don't get it- like if you share all the same things- wouldn't that make for a good relationship?" and I said, "not necessarily" thinking back to the time I dated Brian and there was no spark. We had a handful of things in common- and it didn't do us any good. I just found it real interesting that Derek saw that and wondered that himself. *shrug* I don't think he took my response the way I intended it. I basically told him that dating someone who's just like you is boring. He didn't seem to get it. *sigh*

=====================================================

I really like him. His family invited me to cruise with them during spring break next year! I am so excited. I've already started planning financially- I have to get a passport- I really can't wait to go. Oddly enough- I'm most excited for the formal nights because we never got to get dressed up together (outside of Grandma Alice's funeral). He looks so good in a tux. I'm excited.

=======================================================

My dad surprised me at work yesterday- It felt really odd- like parent teacher conferences. I felt like I shouldn't have been there. It was hard to take compliments from my boss who never says them. I shouldn't say never- she says them a bit- but not like the ones from yesterday. It was interesting. That's the only word I have to describe it.

=======================================================

I have to get ready for work... I'm not lookin' forward to today- just not in the mood.

late nights and early mornings

2008-10-20T22:25:00.001-07:00

so It's Tuesday again- and well- I haven't done anything on my list below from last tuesday.

Yes. A week. I haven't gotten anything accomplished.

*shrug*

I just got home from Derek's.
I like it there. When the two of us are couped up in his little basement-apartment It feels like we're away at college. It's our own space- its ours. We can lay in bed, or toss in a movie- either way- we're just together.

We had a real good night. I won't go into details- but we had a night that reminds me of why we're together. We talked about how we met- and remininced about Dominick's and those stupid shenanigans... We just work. I am happy.

I still have to do laundry tomorrow.

Tuesdays still suck.

Tomorrow I'm going over there at like ten am and we're going to lunch. Yes- Ten AM then lunch...we alotted ample time for shenanigans

two uses of shenanigans- lovely.

I miss my girls.
I just want to go to dinner and talk.

COME HOME TO ME YOU TWO!!

2008-10-14T15:57:00.000-07:00

definitely hate Tuesdays.

I find myself alone for the majority of the day- and I don't like it at all. It's awkward and not fun. I just dislike it. *sigh*

I want to go on vacation.

I have to do laundry
I have to clean out my car before the weather turns
I have to clean my purse
I have to fold said clothes that need to be washed and tidy up my room

I hate tuesdays.
Tuesdays mean errands.

I hate errands.

BLAH.

be distracted when I spike the punch!

2008-10-13T22:40:00.000-07:00

I love Mondays.

Television is fantastic- Big Bang Theory, How I Met Your Mother, Two and a Half Men, fantastic lineup- but mostly I love Mondays because Derek and I get to spend all day together.

We go to our respected classes then meet up for either a late lunch or an early dinner and we lounge around. Just quality time.

I want a place of my own so bad.

I just want so badly to start over with all my own things, my own rules, my own decor- just a new place to start over. I mean, my life isn't terrible. I just feel like I need to grow up and get on with my life. Nothing personal. Just life.

I got a txt from Sara this morning, "I miss you!"

It made me smile.

I miss my girlies. I miss gym class and gossipping about people who were running the same laps a few feet behind us. God high school was catty. Girls are bitches.

I'm supposed to be taking the garbage out.

My sleep patterns are totally thrown off- I'm staying up all hours just to sleep in. I don't know why this is happening.

Derek makes me a half night owl. He stays up all hours of the night, but he works at night, so its natural. For someone like me who has to get up at 7am to drive Lindsay or head to work, that's not really feasible. I try- I guess that's all I can do.

DEXTER- FANTASTIC SHOW

I suggest you all go out and buy it on dvd. He is sexy, smart and devilish. I love it. In the words of MK- I want him to
squeeze me
stomp me
make me whine

*smacks ear* dirty thoughts be gone!

moving on.

I find I list things I'm thinking when I blog late at night for no reason. I couldn't tell you why I do this I just do. *shrug*

I should really throw the garbage out. I should. I need to- Dad will kill me. Well- I'm goign to go do my duty and then crash into my queen sized bed to only watch the food ntework until paid programming comes on..

Sometimes I really need a life.

2008-10-12T13:43:00.000-07:00

Jenn said it best in her facebook status today: "Jennifer Martynowycz Sutton is looking forward to March, when people aren't getting married"

I worked like thirty hours in two days.

TWO DAYS.

I came home, fell asleep in the tub, only to startle awake, freaking out wondering the 7 W's as to what the hell just happened.

WHERE AM I?
WHAT TIME IS IT?
AM IN THE TUB?
IS THE DOOR LOCKED?
HOLY SHIT, I'M LATE FOR WORK!

All in a matter of ten seconds.

I remembered I was naked- in the tub- soaking away the stress of the day and that I could remain there as my duties were fufilled for the week. Seven weddings, over. Thank the lord.

That was the hail mary of the week.

Next week- we have five- hopefully I won't die.

I hope not anyway.

-------------

So I realized this week that next month Derek and I have been dating an entire year. It just seems perfect. Yeah, we have our moments- but when I lay next to him it just feels right.

Like last night- we had a nice time just simply enjoying each other's company not doing anything but just lying there talking.

I am at peace.

-------------

Derek asked his mom "what happened to the xmas lights" when we were sitting outside under the umbrella on the patio last night. What happens is, the guys smoke cigars while his mom and I chat about random stuff. It's a double-date kinda deal that my family just doesn't do. It's weird, but homey and comforting at the same time.

Anywho when he said Christmas lights I immediately thought about the time I was sitting in the living room, sorting xmas lights so my dad could use them oustide. Every year, I sit on the floor, unravel the strings, plug them in, check them for broke bulbs, broken circuts ect and repair them if I can- then rewrap them so he can string them outside. Last november was when Dad and I did this. It was also the same night I decided to tell Derek I had feelings for him. I left my dad to finish up and I went over there to watch a movie.

The rest is history.

I just smiled. It's memories like that which make me happy.

---------------

I am better off than most.

I have an amazing job
I have a roof over my head
I have someone who loves me for who I am
I have a family who takes care of me

I really should never complain.

2008-10-06T19:00:00.000-07:00

mom calls me
"why is there a county circut court letter addressed to you on my table?"

"I have no idea"

"well, did you get a ticket?" (in that mommy tone like "what did you do wrong!)

"No," I say, worried. "could it be my voter registration card?"

"maybe, do you want me to open it?"

"Yes, mom, is something wrong, I'm worried now, open it"

"you got pulled for jury duty"

------------

I haven't received my voter registration card yet.

And I have to sit all day at court during jury duty.

blah.

2008-10-06T14:54:00.000-07:00

so the october fourth weddings went actually quite well.

but our seven-wedding week looms.

ugh.

no rest for the wicked.

thirsty thursdays? I wish.

2008-10-02T06:19:00.000-07:00

wow.

It's October.

I love the feeling in the air- I love the crispness that fall has- but I do hate waking up in the middle of the night in search of a quilt.

My weekend is going to get so crazy.

Meagan just called and added another boutonniere onto her order.

That brings the grand total to 3 bouts, 2 corsages.
Which I didn't realize I have to shop for TONIGHT. ugh.

Well, maybe not- actually, I may be able to just do that friday.

Things to do today/tonight:

√√-Drop lindsay off at school
-go to work
-while at work: drake, weddings, ect
-leave work during rush hour (hopefully not ridiculously late)
-pack all the center pieces
-transport the centerpieces to oakbrook... DURING RUSH HOUR
- find my sanity on the trip home
-make a list of all the crap I need ot buy for bouts/corsages-make it to hobby lobby before it closes.

one down, seven more to go.

I've got friends who... la la lie...

2008-09-30T14:35:00.001-07:00

So I adore tuesdays. I have absolutely nothing to do but sleep in...

We both know that's a lie.
I spend my tuesdays doing laundry and other crap. I hate it. A lot.

I have one more load to dry/fold and then I am done with my one thing I had to do all day.

I also washed my sheets :D

And remade my bed.

two feats never heard of before.

we both know that's a lie.

you should be proud.

--------------------------

I still wanna punch her face in.

--------------------------

I wanna crack him. I wanna know how he works. What makes him tick.

"why do you write?"
"I write to make myself feel something or to say something nobody else would"
"what have you written that's made you feel something?"
"nothing"

We both know that's a lie. I will crack him. I will. One of these days.

I swear.
---------------------------

Today is my last day of sanity.
I have to finish so many things in prep for this week/weekend.

Other people are worried about rushing/tests/homework/where they're going out later tonight

I'm at home stressed about flowers.

Sometimes I regret what path I chose.

Most of the time I'm glad I chose it.

My life is so different from the other twenty-somethigns in the world.

I'm grateful for it.

hello helicopter are you here to stay?

2008-09-29T22:55:00.000-07:00

I need to learn how to stop overreacting.

Derek and I are fine.
We're at that stage where we're so comfortable with eachother that nothing really bothers us.

We just need to remember how to communicate.

To stop sweating the small stuff.

------------------

I am determined to share a bed with this guy. He is mine.

------------------

Yesterday when I was upset with him I turned my Claddagh ring around and it felt really wrong. I immediately turned it back and then felt terrible I had attempted to face the heart outwards. Shame on me I thought. I felt like I had cheated on him or something.

I will never do that again.

Somebody Needs a Hug

2008-09-28T18:10:00.000-07:00

I can't help but feel as if I'm wasting my time. Sometimes I wonder, "what the hell am I doing here!?"

Am I too old to be living at home?
Should I attempt to move out?
Should I continue school?

Am I doing okay at my job?

Is Derek worth the amount of time and energy I'm putting into it?
Will he ever reciprocate?
EVEr!?

We got in a fight tonight and when I left his house a song came on the radio called, "Somebody Needs a Hug" by Keith Anderson:

LYRICS: I think it’s safe to say you’ve had a bad day
And somethin’ even tells me maybe I should stay away
But I can’t, I’m livin’ dangerously
Baby, call me crazy, I think I know what you need
Girl, I’ve got your remedy

(Chorus)
Somebody needs a hug
A little personal attention
Some good ol’ lovin’ and affection
Yeah, I talkin' full body, good Lord Almighty
Whooo, c’mon and get you some
You need to be wrapped up
Snug as a bug in a rug
A big ol’ teddy bear squeeze
Where you can barely breathe
Somebody needs a hug

I see you’re not convinced, you’re still on defense
And I’d be wise to disappear if I had any sense
But I don’t, no obviously
I think I can fix it, baby, don’t resist it
Darlin, it’s easy to see

(Repeat Chorus)

You start to smile and you’re bitin’ your lip
And girl I know what that means
You’re walkin' over, you’re gettin' closer
Looks like you finally see

Seriously? You can't write this shit.

damn you ace of cakes... keeping me up all night

2008-09-25T22:41:00.000-07:00

So just call me Tammy.

I've screwed up all week.

I just want to curl up in a ball sometimes and try and escape it all. I hate when I drop the ball. I hate letting stupid mistakes happen..

I mostly hate that I'm so hard on myself.

This is the beginning of a week from hell. I never thought I'd say it- but I wish Tammy weren't gone. We need her to do other stuff. Next weekend- 6 weddings, the week after that... 7- on top of hotels, daily orders and High Holidays for the two synagogues. *sigh*

I'm going to cry.
------------------------

I still can't believe Bradd is gone- I mean not like we were all that close- just for someone to be in the wrong place at the wrong time is hard. it's not fair is all. It just really sucks.

------------------------

I keep telling myself I need to go to bed.
I really really need to go to bed.

But i can't. I can't close my eyes, turn my brain off and just let myself drift into my dreams.

I keep dreaming about crap I'm supposed to be doing. Stuff I could potentially do wrong. I am wound WAY too tightly.

I need to chill.

------------------------

life is short...

2008-09-24T22:49:00.001-07:00

so a kid i went to high school with was fatally injured in a motorcycle accident yesterday.

It's a weird feeling.

I didn't know him super well- but I had shared a conversation or two with him. He was my age- he died on his birthday. I feel terrible for his family.

Work is stressing me out.
October is looming.
All I wanna do is drive somewhere I can appreciate the fall colors with Derek. I wanna walk down an empty sidewalk, hand-in-hand and just take in the fall scents/scenery.

I want to move out.
I want an apartment with him.

Am i crazy?
I can't stop thinking about all the things I want to accomplish in life. Everything Iwant to do- what I want to see.

*shakes head*
I need to go to bed.

two months to go

2008-09-23T05:41:00.000-07:00

I want to see Nights in Rodanthe- I know it sounds lame- but I love movies like that- I just wanna go to the theater with my girlies and cry. Then have something terribly fat like pie (stupid baker's square) or ice cream after wards.

Sara Jo comes home next weekend (oct 3/4/5th) Which figures because that's our insanely chaotic multi wedding weekend. I hope I can squeeze in some time with her- she makes me sane. I'm going to convince her to see Nights in Rodanthe with me. Even if it's late late at night or freakin' early in the morning.

So yesterday was a good day. I had the morning shift so I went in at 9 got off at 1 then went and got my nails done. While I was at work Derek sent me a text message saying, "I miss my baby" which was really sweet because he never does that. He never says anything like that- so I saved it. We spent the afternoon after he got out of school cuddled up on the couch watching tv/movies/GTA IV/ and then our fave tv shows and chinese. It was a really good cuddled up night. We need more nights like that.

I told him I wanted a pair of rollerblades and he said he used to rollerblade all the time. I told him I'm going to buy him a pair and we can rollerblade together. He said, "You remind me more and more of my grandma everyday". His grandparents are the sweetest old couple I know. Everyday they eat together, they have a detailed schedule of where they eat each day- on wednesdays they bike ride and go to menards to buy candy. They are always together. I hope I am one ounce as happy as they are together when I'm their age.

I found out what Derek's favorite cigar is... he will be getting a pack of them for our one year.
I'm thinking I'll make him dinner too.

2008-09-21T18:49:00.000-07:00

So tomorrow I want to do two things

1) get my nails done
2) buy roller blades

I will get my ass into shape god damnit.

Rakes

2008-09-20T17:55:00.000-07:00

Enjoy. I know I did.
http://www.smwa.net/downloads/funny/rake_bush4.swf

I seriously have watched this 9,000 times...

5,6,9,10

2008-09-19T05:24:00.000-07:00

So since I went into work yesterday a bit earlier than normal I couldn't d my usual, get up, drive
Lindsay, come back home, crash back into bed watch crossing jordan and update routine.

I really enjoy working alone- I know it sounds odd- but despite the talking and basic goings on of the shop- I relish in the silence of working alone. Yes, I do need noise but having all the space in the world to do as I please when I please and such makes everything easier. Coming in early where I could spread out all over the work tables and just get what I needed to get done, done was nice.

I've seen this Crossing Jordan. I just wanna see the one where she and woody hook up- they're so cute together. Yes, I said Woody... short for WOODROW... haha

Is anyone else tired of the Bonnie Hunt Show commercials? I don't care... the shows gonna flop- its annoying.

So I am getting closer to a routine- and this is how it goes

Lindsay wakes me up and I groggily drive her to school (groggily? is that a word?)
I come back home, crash back into bed, turn on Crossing Jordan on A&E (265 on direct tv :D)
While watching tv I surf the internet- check the sidebar for an updated list of stuff I check daily...
I then debate if I want to shower during the show if it's crappy or afterwards... (usually afterwards)
I shower
I do my hair, makeup, get dressed
Head to work anywhere from 15-40 minutes early
Depending on my time I do one of two things- Grab a 1.00 coke from McDonalds or WalMart for food for the week.

Then I head to work, depending on the day- the tasks change- but they're usually the same

Then I get out of work, depending on the time (usually around 5ish) I attempt to negotiate Ogden Avenue during rush hour and head towards home. If Derek's off, I change, then go over there. If he's working, I go home, change clothes and crash in bed till he calls.

Then I usually end up going to Derek's for a few hours, come home around midnight and do the whole thing all over again.

Routine.

I wish I had a place of my own.
I want to have my own apartment.
The more I think about it- the more I want it to become a reality.
I can't wait to have a place of my own.

briefs...

2008-09-18T16:41:00.000-07:00

Thank god for Mary Kate's blog. She is adorable. I love her. I miss her a lot- but her blog makes me feel like she's home... love ya girly.

Speakin' of girlies- I miss Sara Jo too- we talk a lot- but I just wish she was home sometimes.

--------------

Work's going well... I feel more and more confident each day- It's just a matter of time before I feel 100% in control of my duties there

I came in early today to do some hardgood orders and get ahead for October. It's crazy to think we have 14 full weddings in October- not counting just receptions. Craziness.

1,2,3,4... tell me that you love me more...

2008-09-17T06:19:00.000-07:00

first things first on this lovely Wednesday morning...

"Whatever, Martha!" is a hilarious show... I encourage anyone who likes/hates Martha Stewart to watch it... freakin' hilarious.

secondly this morning: I'm running way ahead of schedule... and by way ahead I mean like an hour and a half- well more like an hour now since I spent the half surfing blogs/facebook/and general crap on the internet.

third: I agree with MK about the sexiness of Maroon 5- I would love to see them live- I don't care if he kinda sounds like a chick (or a dude who's constantly kicked in the nuts) he's amazing. Sexy. Period.

four: Wednesdays mean work... work means meeting, meetings mean let's pick out everything that went wrong last week and point fingers. Lovely. I know little-none of it was my fault but I can't help but feel responsible for not swooping in and fixing it when I saw something that wasn't 100% right. Everyone says I'm being too hard on myself- but I just want everything I do to be perfect (in flowers- not in life in general- that's just a ridic though) These flowers are for these women's one day- their WEDDING day... that's pressure enough...

-------

Sidenote: Mom and I went to lunch yesterday (which I already posted about) but she also mentioned to me that Jessica said something along the lines of, "what's so stressful about playing with flowers?" and I guess my parents chewed her out for saying I'm overreacting- cause let's be honest. I have a high caliber job- and it comes with some insane stress. Think of every bridezilla show you've ever seen and how picky they are when it comes to just their flowers... now multiply that by like 4 brides a week and make sure everything gets done perfect for those weddings while also handling other orders/hotels/random stuff that comes in... It's chaotic. It's crazy. It's an AMAZING job. I love it.

I think I'm going to ask her to help out one weekend so she has an idea of how ridic my job is... she'll never citicise it again. Ever. Point: Kimberly

--------------------------------

I miss my girlies. Sara Jo and MK- I need a night with just the two of them- dinner and perhaps a good girl movie. Speaking of... Nights in Rodanthe... wanna see it real bad- not sure why. Something about the sexiness that is Richard Gere- I have no clue. I just feel inclined to see it.

--------------------------------

Ya know, I could go in at 9 and not wait around till 9:30- I just don't feel like getting there that early- I know I'm not going to be able to do the Drake today- so I might as well lolligag until 9:30. Maybe I'll stop for a muffie.... those always seem to brighten my day. The lady at Panera knows me now... yikes. There's a sure sign of a habit.

On second though... no muffie.

---------------------------------

I'm starting to become a lot more random in my thought process. Sorry for those two people that read this stupid thing.

_I want to go on vacation with Derek again. But just the two of us. I hate living with other people's agendas. Somewhere the two of us can go and spend time together- away from everyone
_I want 5,000 dollars to upgrade my wardrobe with. C'mon Stacy and Clinton... fix me... I dress like an idiot.
_The new bras I bought weren't as awesome as I wanted them to be- yeah, they function- but they're not as hot as I would've liked. Stupid boobs.

that's right.. I just said stupid boobs. Deal with it.

no longer a toys R us kid...

2008-09-16T14:16:00.000-07:00

Ok- so Dashboard Confessional- love listening to them in the fall- there's just something about his voice that reminds me of a lighter time....

I used to listen to A Mark, A Mission, A Brand, A Scar when I was getting ready for school fresh/soph year- love his voice- love the lyrics- it's amazing.

I enjoy it. You should too...

--------------------

I started writing again. I don't think it's anything to write home about- I kinda just use it as my own thing. No, Im not going to post any of it on here- I'm one of those people who will be famous after she dies...

I'm convinced I need new pictures- I am tired of the same ones I keep looking at.

I want to deep clean my room. Really bad... throw out all the shit I don't need.

-------------------

Sara Jo brought up life after college... I would totally move in with her when she/we graduate. I want to move out sooner rather than later. I figure between the two of us we could pay rent.... that'd be so sweet. I wanna grow up...

goings on...

2008-09-16T10:32:00.001-07:00

So I just got back from Lunch with Mom...

I definitely put too much thought into it. We just went to Olive Garden and had some soup salad and breadsticks. We chatted about work, life in general, our mutual annoyance that was Grandma. We talked about random stuff- then how things are going. I told her about my floral class- the one that I can teach... just the usual.

I wonder if this is going to become a weekly/monthly thing? I wonder if it'll just happen till this whole thing blows over?

I think I want to get my nails done today- I just cut them all down because they were getting gross- not like "I don't wash my hands gross" just not growing the right way due to work. I think I want to get a set on but the only thing stopping me is the fact I have to keep up with them. I need to find a nice nail place that I like- I don't trust the place I go currently to do it the way I'd like it done.

I'm trying to motivate to go buy clothes/bras/nice big girl shoes- but I have yet to do that.

desserts? stressed?

2008-09-16T05:57:00.000-07:00

I blocked her- from both myspace/facebook the whole deal. She will not bother me again. As long as I can control the contact. I will never contact her- she will have to come to me. Still doesn't shake the fact that I want to kill her- *shrug*

*note* that was an expression only.. I wouldn't actually kill her....

I love Crossing Jordan- I could watch it all day.

I can't tell you how nice it is to have the past few days off. I'm so tired of work- I feel like that's all i do now. Granted- I adore my job- I just feel like I live there. It's such a physical demand- it's just so hard to stay motivated. Denise puts so much faith in me that it's hard to feel anything but obligated. *sigh*

I'm stressed.

tuesday...

2008-09-15T22:39:00.000-07:00

I have a weird stew of emotions inside of me...

I have this crazy urge to beat the crap out of CR- I can't shake it. I want to hurt her so bad. I want her to pay for everything she's ever done. I know that won't solve anything- and that we'll never get anywhere. It's just really upsetting. She makes me nuts. She follows our lives and then takes offense when Derek and I do the same thing. She is unhappy and finds a way to irk me constantly. I swear if I could beat the sense out of someone and never get caught. She's at the top of my list.

I have lunch with mom tomorrow. I'm kinda weirded out by it. I don't really want to hang out with her all morning. I just want to have the same relationship we had before. She's putting too much emphasis on the fact we're rowing apart. Well that's life.

I want to move out. I want so badly to move out and create a space of my own. I hate sharing my space with my family. I feel like i've lived her forever (which I have) and there's nothing wrong iwth living at home. but I just want to move on and grow up. I want to be a big girl. *sigh*

I'm just frustrated and cranky. I want to go on vacation again. Derke and I, falling asleep in my baby's arms. That's all I want. That's all I need. Time away from life.

forget the wedding bells

2008-09-14T07:50:00.000-07:00

It's been a roller-coaster of a week. It had been a long time since the last time I really cried. So much for that record...

We only had two weddings this week- and like always, that's when we mess up. It's not when we have 9,000 things going on that we let something slip through the cracks- it's when we have absolutely nothing happening that we screw up.

Theres a woman at work that's driving me crazy- I find it really hard to get my work done when I'm constantly (not just me, everyone else for that matter) fixing her work. She does things and brushes them aside like it's not a big deal...

breaking the bride bouquet as it's walking out the door is a BIG DEAL....

regardless- she makes me crazy.

And she's dating the plumber.

I adore my job- but sometimes I wish I had break. Unfortunately, I don't get one- ever. BLAH>

2008-09-12T06:38:00.000-07:00

So I found one flaw in my current job.
When I'm having a bad day, and just need a break- I can't go anywhere to cool off- I'd really love to almost smoke a cigarette but that's not happening.

I can't just go to the dairy cooler and get a hug from Derek anymore.... and yesterday I really needed it. *sigh*

I hate that my airport is down and I can't access this from anywhere but the family computer.
The keys are hard to press compared to my lap top. blah.

another LONG day innn the works.... wish me luck.

2008-09-09T17:11:00.001-07:00

I'm looking at apartments.
I found one on the prairie path on Roosevelt- studio, one bath 695 a month. Derek and I could do that easily. The problem being we'd have to factor in all the craziness....

insurance
gas
internet?
food
rent (of course)
misc. house costs (brooms, mops, vacuum, laundry detergent)

I want to make up a mock budget. I want to know what it takes for me to get an apartment. I want to do all the legwork before I bring it up to either set of parents. His parents are probably going to have a problem with it before mine would. He is younger.

What about school?
How would we pay for certain things?

I have to budget it all out... I have a goal though- that's a start.

She's a killer queen....

2008-09-09T07:51:00.001-07:00

I love queen.
I wish Freddie Mercury weren't dead- I'd love to see them live. Derek and I would have an amazing time.

I'm going to get a little graphic so little ones turn away.... go to your room...go play outside- do something to avoid listening to what I'm going to say.

The other night Derek and I were in the middle of our nightly activities when he reached for my face, looked me straight in the eye and told me he loved me. It was one of the most powerful feelings I've ever had in my life. So powerful it's been like two days and I still think about it. I've never known him to say it first let alone in that context. When we're intimate it's not always as the loving-notebookesque-romantic movie love making... 80% of the time it's just something to do together. Which sounds like a shame- but it's really not. That whole time the other night was all about romance and love and passion and it was amazing. You can tell it meant something more special than normal if I cry.... and ladies and gents, I cried.

He is amazing. I love spending time with him. I was laying awake last night wondering about my wedding. I was watching a combination of "who's wedding?" and "amazing wedding cakes" and it made me realize one of these days long down the road once I pick a husband to be I have to pick out all that crap. I have to pick linens and cakes and place cards and china and I don't think I want to do that whole deal. I want a SMALL wedding. Immediate family and close friends. I'm talking childhood friends, people I've known forever that I would want by my side not flavors of the month. The more I count it out- the max I would have at my wedding is 30. That's doubling the amount of people I can think of to make up for those I can't. I really want a small, small wedding. The more weddings we do at work, the more I realize it's okay to want not the norm. Usually smaller weddings are held for those who have already been married or are renewing their vows.

Derek sees weddings as a waste of money. We dont' need a huge celebration to prove our love. Which I don't really understand.

The one thing I'd want though- is to run away and elope. I know that sounds ridic but think about it- it's just you and him in the moment- two people in crazy love. I don't think I could say my vows infront of a million people. I'd want to say them to him ( and maybe have a videographer) and have him say them to me and be done with it. I don't want my family in on that part. I want a private ceremony.

I'm putting way too much though into this crap. So sue me.

in memory of what we used to call it love... (mcs morning)

2008-09-08T05:40:00.000-07:00

he's meeting his dad today for lunch. I wonder how it's going to go. Part of me wants to know the beef-what's happened that makes it so hard for him to even say, "my dad".

we started demolition on the living room yesterday. My dad has it in his head that we're moving the fireplace from one wall to the other. It was kinda fun destroying things though... here's the progress...

keep in mind- it wasn't supposed to be a picture of lindsay-it just figures the best photos we have of the fireplace are those from dances... ignore lindsay just look at the background.
it's amazing how much space was being used from the fireplace. only time will tell.

broke ass

2008-09-07T18:55:00.000-07:00

so not long after I had posted this morning I decided to go get ready for the day. I had taken a long bubblebath/shower and then spent time with mom and dad in the basement. Mom asked if I wouldn't mind getting the paper and bringing it down to her. I obliged. On my way back down the carpeted steps I slipped on the cuff of the pants I was wearing and I fell down eight steps... my tailbone hit everyone on the way down. Ouch. I feel like I got hit in the crack with a baseball bat. It's hard to sit.

I want to go paint pottery again. It was enjoyable. I think I'll ask Abs if she wants to go tuesday when I'm off. I facebooked her about it- even if she doesn't want to- I'll still go- I need to relax.

Work is great- a little crazy. I feel like I spend a lot of time doing a buncha random things. I am not totally 100% comfortable there yet. I always feel like I'm being scrutinized. I have a feeling those will subside come end of november. The hecticness of the shop is steadily increasing and hopefully come winter time it will calm down. Once Octobers over and the open house in november is over we'll be better.

Derek and I are 79 days away from our one year. I have an evening planned. I'm excited.

Sunday, September 7th, 2008

2008-09-07T10:31:00.000-07:00

So I can't come up with any creative titles. *shrug* Who's creative at 12:32 on a Sunday afternoon?

I actually had a fairly smooth weekend. Friday I got out of work at 5- went home, showered, talked politics with Mom, then went over to Derek's. We went to Nana's around 7 then went from there to McGarth's house for a bonfire. I met all his old friends, and some of their new ones. It was nice to see his roots and where he comes from. Pat seems like a real cool guy- I'm going to see if I can convince Derek to begin to hang out with them more- he needs more of a social atmosphere.

He's going to lunch with his dad/grandfather tomorrow. I hope it goes alright. That's my opportunity.

Before the year is out I'd like to send a secret into postsecret. Just once I want to be apart of something bigger than myself.

Problem is- I don't think I have a secret. I don't think I have anything that has to be told. I have a few months to come up with something.

t.g.i.f.

2008-09-05T05:37:00.000-07:00

I'm not super stoked for friday- fridays for me mean a few things....

1. bride/attendants bouquets
2. payday (like how bouquets comes before payday... only me)
3. fairly late night at work/early morning the next day (Saturday)

really, there is nothing too awesome about fridays- it usually would signify an end to a week, a blow off day- casual, you could wear jeans perhaps... unfortunately I don't work those kinds of jobs- friday is our busiest day (next to saturday) and theres no such thing as denim fridays. *sigh*

Friday nights I usually end up going out with Derek, he and I are going to our favorite hot dog place tonight, Nana's in Streamwood. I think on our way back we're going to swing by Pat's and I'm going to meet his friends I hear so much about. I'm excited to meet them- we've met in passing at his Grad party a few years back but never really hung out with me being 'the girlfriend'. There's always that gimmer of fear, "I hope they like me". In a way I know I don't have to impress his friends but I still want to. I want them to say, dude, she is so much better than the last one- I hope they do.

RNC is over- no more politics. I can't wait for the debates. Unfortunately, Barack is a great speaker so he might make an ass out of McCain verbally, but what McCain can do physically for us is a whole hell of a lot more than Obama could. Thus I will stand behind him. McCain/Palin '08!!

itunes and items

2008-09-04T05:21:00.000-07:00

I think this is going to become a theme- I'm going to wake up, drive lindsay, blog, get ready for work and then get on with my day. I'll use this morning to recap about yesterday/hopes for today and then tomorrow's blog about today and so on. Sounds like a good system- let's see what happens.

Ah, dashboard confessional- close to my heart. It's sweet and romantic. Love it. Good way to start a fall morning.

So... Wednesday has come and gone- and it wasn't as terrible as I had predicted. Jenn did wait till I got there to mention to Jess that I am republican. Then she tried to tell me that Barack wasn't raising taxes... when thats his whole plan. *shakes head* I don't get it. I dont' even bother debating because we're both not changing our minds. If she wants to help the country make a huge mistake then so be it. Besides, Jess didn't have anything to say about it. Yeah, Barack Obama means change- but you can't just say, he'll bring change... how is he going to do it!? how? With higher taxes? Let's bring everyone out of Iraq, piss off the israeli's and let them come attack us on our home soil? But at the same time, let's try and drill and get their oil- let's spend millions to countries who are only going to use said money on weapons against us.... cause that's a good idea....

I'm getting a lot more political than I ever thought I'd be. Maybe that's a good thing.

Oh. and just because I have ovaries doesn't mean I'm thinking with them.... Ironically, I LIKE Sara Palin- I think she's exactly what this country needs. Some STRAIGHT TALK!!!

Okay. Enough Politics.

Today is Thursday, Derek gets paid and we're one step closer to the weekend. I can feel fall coming- it's looming. I LOVE IT. (Come to think of it I think I just said that exact same thing like two days ago...)

Oh, and Naper Settlement lost one of our black urns that we use to make the Drake in... (see big black pot the arrangements in) so I couldn't do the Drake yesterday- I have to do it today and then a stream of Boutonnierres. At least I'll remain busy.

I am in love with this song by Matt Nathanson, "Cmon get Higher".... it's so sweet. Makes me want to just go grab Derek, tackle him and just mack on him

mercy me

2008-09-03T05:39:00.000-07:00

Wednesday morning... twenty to eight. I have to be at work at nine thirty- that gives me ample time to shower, dry my hair, do my makeup, find clothes, get dressed, maybe make something for lunch then head out the door.

Wednesdays always make me nervous. One, I have the Drake to do... (see first post with picture) Two, there's just a lot to get done in hopes that someone actually did a lot of the legwork it takes to put on two weddings on Saturday. After checking in a barage of flowers, I have to do the drake (in a reasonable amount of time), write my supply order and hope to god it comes in a fairly quick fashion.

Not to mention the craziness of the election and Jenn's obsession with Barack Obama. She found out I'm crazy for McCain and I just can't wait to hear what she has to say. If she says anything, I'm just going to tell her, "Ya know, You can say what you want, but I have my views, you have yours, nothing you say will change my mind, I have a right to an opinion as anyone else does- and it doesn't stop me from doing my job- so let's move on". Derek tells me I don't have to justify it to anyone. And he's right- I don't. I don't have to try and back up McCain- time will do that for me. I just can't wait to vote. I watched the RNC last night and the coverage on C-Span and CNN and I just can't wait to be a part of this election. I will be devestated if McCain loses. Mostly for what it will mean for the country.

I have to go shower. I'll update more later.
P.S. I forgot how much I liked old school Alkaline Trio....

update on the day

2008-09-02T11:48:00.000-07:00

Okay, I know I posted already but I'm just so miffed that I can't avoid the blog....

She is insane. She is just a heartless bitch and I'm tired of having her looming in the shadows. Derek would say she's nothing- that she's not even anything worth worrying about... but I can't help but want to just kill her. I seriously seriously know that if I saw her- I'd have to punch her. I was always taught "violence never solves anything" but for god sakes if I were to hit someone in my life it'd be her. I just hate her with every fiber of my being. She is just cruel. And she thinks she rules the world- I just want to knock her out. Take her off that pedestal- make her cry.

Those are terrible things to say- but I mean them. I really mean them. So help me god- if I ever come across her- she's a dead woman.

Now, with that out of my system....

here's an update on todays goings on...

√ I have to mail in my insurance that's due the 27th...
√ I have to mail in my voter registration. I feel guiltier and guiltier every day I don't.
I have to do my laundry.
I have to fold said laundry.
I have to buy a new phone.

I'm putting off the phone until my next paycheck.
I'm doing my last load of darks now- I have to fold all my laundry.
I'd really like to wash my comforter- and one of these days I'm going to get around refilling my pillow. Over the years it's gotten so soft I need to re-stuff it.

The office-type space is up and running. It's nice to have a place to rest and do my homework as opposed to doing it on my bed.

On a side note: I'm tired of everyone yelling at me for wanting to vote McCain. Obama, Obama,Obama. I'm tired of hearing about him and how he represents change. At work, that's all I hear- Obama this, I love Barack, Obama, Obama, Obama.... blah blah blah. I like Palin, I like McCain... I am voting for them and that's that.

I spun around in my chair just now and I noticed my coheed and cambria poster still duct taped to my wall- I got up and tore it down. That represents the old me. I am a new person- I haven't listened to Coheed since Brian and I broke up- which is a good thing. I surprisingly don't miss it. I want to get a piece of art and hang it there- a kurt halsey or something.

I found the proofs of Derek and in Silver Dollar City at the Old West photo- cracks me up.

September 2nd, 2008

2008-09-02T08:42:00.000-07:00

So Fall is looming. I couldn't be more pleased.
I love the smell in the air- it's fresh, clean, new- soon leaves will be changing and it will be just beautiful. I think I'm going to talk Derek into going to Cantigny to walk to the grounds. I just want to walk hand in hand with him through the trees.
Fall is for Lovers.

So I woke up early today- drove Lindsay to school then came home- crawled back into bed to start paying bills. Well, bill, my insurance- but still- that's a lot of money to give up. I work hard for that money- and to write a check (equivalent to two paychecks... well, one and half) is a lot to give up. Thank god it's only once every six months. I don't have to pay it again until March.

Derek and I bought and Xbox 360. I told him I'd buy it for him if he went to the combined family party on Monday and he did. He was upset when I told him I was buying it for him so he gave me like 2/3rds of it. He refused to let me buy it so I took his money, bought the console and GTA IV. I know he'll like it- it'll change things up a bit from EQ.

I know today's my only day off this week- so I take advantage of it. I wake up, run my errands- which included spending another 400 dollars on my insurance, mailing my voter registration (FINALLY!!) and attempting to sell back my old books (made a whopping 25 dollars). Now, I'm home- having finished my driving errands and must complete a few household chores. I have to finish my laundry and clean my room. I need to- it'll feel real good when I finish. I'm going to clean off my desk. Get an office type space going. Set up my printer that's been out of commision since I got it. Hopefully when Derek gets off work I'll have his xbox bowed and ready to give to him. I think I might bring him some wiper fluid too cause he's been out for a while and his windshield is dirty.

Well, enough chit chat- time to do laundry.

new beginnings

2008-08-31T22:15:00.000-07:00

So I decided to start a new blog. I got a new email and I wanted to redo a lot of the same accounts I already have. Why I'm not really sure- I just felt it was time to start fresh.

My life is becoming more and more advanced as the days go on- which of course is a very blunt statement but at the same time- true. I am getting older and with that comes more responsibility. It's nice to feel like I'm going to be 'stepping out of the nest' so to speak. It's hard to not want to just leave. It's hard to feel content in my current environment. I want so badly to move out- to start over to just get somewhere I can call my own.

Work is amazing. I have gotten so much responsibility (again with that) ordering, paperwork, lobby pieces, everything. I have gained so much experience and I can't think Denise and the crew enough for that. It's so refreshing. I am now in charge of the lobby piece at the Wyndham Drake Hotel in Oakbrook. (pictured above) It's now my baby. The first thing some businessman's going to see when he walks in to check in for the night is my floral piece. Maybe he'll smile- maybe he'll think, "oh that's nice" and move on. But at least it had a part of his day. When I was delivering a wedding there a few weeks ago I saw a dad lift his three year old daughter to smell the flowers. I smiled knowing she smiled at the scent of my flowers. It's small things like that which make me happy.

Derek and I are going strong. We've hit the 9 month mark a few days ago. I still feel like we've been dating for years at this point. We've achieved that comfortable stage where you don't worry about making the wrong impression. I hate not waking up next to him everyday. I can't explain that feeling I had when I'd wake up in Branson to his face. He's a blanket hog- I'm a snorer- but we can still share a bed. So what if I have to wear layers and he has to sleep with a pillow over his face? We manage. We work it out. We compromise.

I have to mail in my insurance that's due the 27th...
I have to mail in my voter registration. I feel guiltier and guiltier every day I don't.
I have to do my laundry.
I have to fold said laundry.
I have to buy a new phone.

This responsiblity thing is getting insane.